Returning to work - week 2

Tuesday 11th September

Two double lessons today, making two-thirds of a full day. My three day weekend should have left me raring to go, but I felt rather apprehensive of tackling such a large task for the first time.

Saturday and Sunday were a bit of a write-off since I had no energy to do anything. With the whole family at home, each with their own worries and demands, I felt under some pressure. It was not until Monday (a day at home with no teaching) that I began to feel some recovery after last week.

This afternoon, in the second double lesson, I was literally dripping with sweat. I am not normally a sweaty person, but these days I seem to break out with copious perspiration whenever I experience pressure or physical exertion. I do not know whether this is a side-effect of my drugs or a feature of the stress injury. Last week when the headteacher spoke to me she asked if it was raining outside. She had thought that the damp patches on my clothes were the result of rain.

By the end of this afternoon I had also lost my voice.

Wednesday 12th September

I taught my two lessons today and then went home for lunch and slept in the afternoon.

I have noticed that my mind does not function as well as it did before the stress injury. I can look at a pupil that I have taught for years and not be able to remember their name. Perhaps this is understandable since I have always had difficulty remembering names, but I have always remembered faces and the people behind them. Now I find that I can stare at a face and only after some minutes begin to remember some of the details of the person that go with it.

I have similar memory problems in other aspects of school work. I cannot immediately remember important or notable events, or important decisions that have been taken.

Another strange thing happened several times today, and has been happening quite frequently since my return to work. I asked a pupil a question and they gave an answer. I told them that they were wrong and I gave them the correct explanation. Nothing unusual in that - except that it turned out that the pupil had actually given the correct answer in the first place. Mostly, classes have reacted well to these blips, but I worry for the longer term.

An alternative manifestation of this brain-scrambling occurs in discussions. A pupil contributes a view but somehow I do not grasp the meaning of the contribution and the pupil gets a neutral or negative response. If someone else subsequently expresses a similar view and I respond positively, the original pupil can be a little miffed - and I can feel a little confused.

Thursday 13th September

One lesson to teach today. I went in half an hour before the lesson and came home soon after the lesson ended. It sounds ridiculously easy but I still feel as tired as though I had taught all day and I am again having trouble sleeping properly.

The symptoms are the same as I was suffering from before my long-term absence from work. At the time I did not know that I was suffering badly from stress. In staffroom conversation it seemed that everyone else also felt tired, had disturbed sleep, woke up early or woke up with a sinking feeling in the pit of their stomach. I just accepted all this as going with the territory. Later, during the first months of my long-term absence, I would frequently have nightmares and wake up screaming.

This week, my dreams have been vivid, sometimes unpleasant, but not as upsetting as nightmares. My sleep has been disturbed and I wake up in the morning not feeling refreshed.

Today marks my first full week of teaching.

I worked at home this morning for four hours preparing lessons. After a quick lunch I went into school to teach all afternoon. I came home with no worse than that tired-at-the-end-of-the-week feeling, but still ready for an early night

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